среда, 15 ноября 2006
09:15

I couldn't care less.
"Lay me down, the lie will unfurl,

Lay me down to crawl" (c)



I think I seem to guess. I guess I think to seem.

What kind of a soundtrack will we have now?



//slash-slash.



Follow me, I've got a computer now.

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вторник, 14 ноября 2006
08:10

I couldn't care less.
I want to be with you. No matter what it means.

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среда, 08 ноября 2006
05:00

I couldn't care less.
I'm high on ectomorphine, what do you expect of me?

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суббота, 04 ноября 2006
07:32

I couldn't care less.
...like one should be.

So simple. So brethtaking.

I dreamt of you long before I knew you.

You know.

I believe in you.

I believe in myself.

"Carve your name into my arm" (c)

You know.

I love you.

@музыка: Cowboy Junkies

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понедельник, 30 октября 2006
05:16

About a Girl

I couldn't care less.
I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you



UPD 11.02.2007



You selfish bitch, I hope you fucking burn in hell for this shit (c)

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суббота, 28 октября 2006
04:49

I couldn't care less.
touch me

@музыка: Suede

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вторник, 24 октября 2006
07:01

I couldn't care less.
I was standing in the centre of the twisting reality layers. Right here,now and then and a day ago and never. A psychococktail.

The days got dissipated under sight. Weeks. Months turned into seconds and years were just glistening dots under the Seven Suns.

I was there.

Dodging from the magnaplasts of her imagination. They scratched close, they tore my shirt. I ducked, am ducking, was ducking and saw nothing underneath.

I am standing in a no-time no-space place.

But I guess it doesn't matter.

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воскресенье, 22 октября 2006
05:46

I couldn't care less.
You gave me the most terrible thing you could. Hope. And then you ripped it out together with my heart.

It will bleed.

URL
05:40

I couldn't care less.
What can you think of holding a bomb in your hands? The one that will explode your brain and your insides together?Substance abuse? Nah, it rather is about being clean.

I'm never to make it out of the night. Not out of this one, anyway. The night ends, but the darkness doesn't lift off. I get veiled. The life's been temporarily suspended and looped. The music stopped.

It gets so repetative these days.

It was one and the same man, who invented Mondays, serpentine and button-zippers.

I get too sentimental when I'm clean. I can't afford it. The total lack of positive feedback gets me down so much that I'd better drink to forget people have sexes.

My head is someplace else. My body is drifting on its own. But I know for sure I got a rainbow of feelings in my pocket.

No, I don't want anything from you. But, perhaps, you could smile at me more often?

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четверг, 19 октября 2006
04:31

I couldn't care less.
Sometimes you cannot stop it.

@музыка: The White Stripes - Fell in Love With a Girl

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вторник, 17 октября 2006
14:08

I couldn't care less.
Fuck me, I see the beauty.

Fuck me, I can't destroy it.

But I can kill everything else.

I can't kill myself no matter how hard I try.

Because I'm too weak.

Because I'm afraid.

Fuck my days because they don't change.

Fuck me, I'm waiting for Fridays.

Kill me as soon as December comes.

Somebody, make it least painful.

I'm afraid of pain.

I faint when I hurt.

That's why I'm never quite here.

I'm disgusting, kill me.

Kill me.

URL
13:56

I couldn't care less.
I don't want to be a handheld convenience. A pocket entertainer. I'm not wanted to be, I'm wanted to be owned. It's good you know me.

There's only one thing that's wrong. It's in my head. It's my head. The way I think, the way I see things. "The United States of Leland". A dialogue.

I saw what you wanted to do. I saw what was in your eyes. I didn't have to listen to your words. I saw who you wanted and who not.

I saw the prospects of your actions, so to say, I saw your future.

And, yes, my brain is impenetrable and I lie and I get lost in myself and there's nothing and noone to help me out. What for? What will you gain? What will the healthy know-how-to-live society gain?

Nothing.

I'm a passive aggressive bitch, who has no notion of privacy. What's wrong? My whole life is wrong. My states, they are all gone, that's what's wrong. I'm just somebody's big mistake.

And I cannot be it any longer. Shut the dripping water down. Sure enough, I'm going down. No hunger, I don't feel any hunger. That's the place you can't get high at. Can't torture myself like that. Won't allow anyone to. I just sit there and watch the windows shine.

That's my job, the only thing I can really do. The windows watcher. They are all their backs to me.

You smile at me. You know you're going to be allright in the end. You know what "OK" means. And you don't give a fuck about me. You stand there, in front of me and grow hazy. Distant. Alienated. Divine.

And the water keeps dripping. Dripping. Dripping. Dripping.

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понедельник, 16 октября 2006
12:01

I couldn't care less.
I want to shoot me in the head so that the god had no questions.

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воскресенье, 15 октября 2006
06:37

I couldn't care less.
The underground atomic explosion made a couple of nearby cities shatter. My glasses got covered with a veinset of small lines. What I got instead is a couple of lungs with seasonal disfunction. Alcohol. Music. Not much if you come to think of it. Not useful. Not that plesant.

Yet it helps you out sometimes. As soon as there comes a moment when nobody gives a fuck. You go out and have a decent meal.

I can get from bar to bar and my drink will never get tepid. I can enter calligraphy or poetry. Whatever. I can peep into the screenhole and be hollow as sand.

Look at me, I'll get an erection. I'll see you in of my dreams. Nah, really, see you. Rule number one: as soon as the girl tells you to fuck off, the only right thing to do is leave. Leave as fast as possible, don't get engaged into any kind of conversation. Don't try to make up. Don't ask questions. Turn around and leave. Leave and, perhaps, you'll save your face.

I don't have any. You may ask me, whatever language. They are all making things up, I'm no danger. Watch me writing messages to myself. I'm getting more and more lost. I know the keyboard. I know the right buttons. Am never in tune, am I not? All the things I lost aren't the ones I'm looking for. I forgot their names.

I'd better go create a new message. Perhaps this one will save me from the apocalypse in my head. From the atomic bomb explosion. Perhaps it gives me inspiration. Maybe not.

I open my eyes and see the lock crawling across the door surface. I was faster. But it was more smart. I never know when those things start to happen. Resizable windows, talking ceiling, crawling doorlocks. It slithered under the bed and lay there, panting mechanically. I was afraid it might jump out and bite my leg off. So I grabbed a .72 from the bookshelf and shot three times. The disfigured carcass sprung out, bounced off the wall and lay on the floor. Motionless. I lit a match and sprayed some flammable liquid on the floor. The fire was invincibly fragile. Lime smell. No work today. Sure enough.

Sometimes they switch electricity off and the world plunges into total darkness. That's when the bombs start to explode. I cover my hair and my eyes. I think they understand what they say. But they'd better not be talking behind my back.

I might get jumpy. I've got a knife. I am not dangerous unless you tell me to be it.

The bomb explodes. I walk away. The man lives, the world dies. Theatric.

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пятница, 13 октября 2006
05:09

I couldn't care less.
So she very well traded me for a couple of lines in her portable dictionary. At least you could've pretended you cared.

Fuck loneliness. C'mon, worry 'bout me. I'm the only one in here to worry about. Don't you see the way I bleed? Don't you see? Peep into the sсriрt. Your lines say you should be compassionate, don't they?

They say, you shouldn't have anyone around or else not give me hope. They say you shouldn't shun at the sight of me. Learn your sсriрt. Really, it'd do me good.

Some day I'm not getting drunk. Some day I learn to write straight. Pick every single piece of me from the floor and compile them in the way of pure perfection. Glue them together so that they never fall apart.

Not now.

I should have some reason to do that first. She doesn't want me. Not news, nobody does. Fuck that, fuck her Italian boyfriend, fuck me trying to while away her waiting time. Fuck it all.

Evenings.

Hope I never remember this one. Fuck the crumpled paper. The thoughts. Your presence.Number and date. Fuck them all.

My god is aspirine. The group has suffered midnight Friday loss. The smog over the city is so dense these days.

I guess we all start with the same working parametres, like, we got BIOS and maybe, DOS. And a unique possibility to fuck them up.

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среда, 11 октября 2006
11:44

I couldn't care less.
At least you could've pretended you cared. I'll bring in my papers. Just don't let the judges in.

I'll lend you my hands. Face (I wonder what the hell you gonna do with it).

Whatever you wish.

Just keep it simple.

URL
вторник, 10 октября 2006
06:20

I couldn't care less.
Everything gets too much blurred. Alarms go off. You surely do remember the same days. Same nights. I just don't know your name, but it's not THAT important, is it?

Remember the seventh floor? The TV. The DVD inside. Well, flashbacks. The visual perception tunes onto the white noise wave. Every obgect around is a wave. They refract. Couple.

They come and go. Does anybody bother to change the DVDs at least? I think nobody does. If only my opinion matters.

Yes, yes, I know the rules, I can look but I cannot touch, yet we can be holding hands and be lying close. Close enough for your breath to touch my skin.

As close as possible.

Yes, sure, that's all about alcohol. That's what you will say. Morning will show that it was just horsing around and was nothing serious and you will pull yourself from my hands, raise your head from my chest and look deserted.

As if we never happened. As if we never mattered.

I'll crop files to the playlist and set off home, alcohol fading away with every step I take to walk away.

You know what, I've already been here. I've already done that a couple of times. Petersburg, Moscow, Nowhere, Nowhere Once Again.

You want my number? Keep my phone, I know you'll never call.

You'd prefer to forget rather than to shapeshift. Close the paradigm and be content. Leave me out. You'll be crying a bit, but that's OK, 'cause you won't take it seriously.

Just another adventure. Something to remember.

I go home and miss the buttons on the keyboard and can't find a proper language to express myself in. And I know that you won't care.

You may be living in room 309, in Prospekt Veteranov, in the house nearby. But we won't meet. We'll grow distant.

We'll get reluctant.

I fall to the floor. How many times? The floor is cold and concrete and tiled and yellow and the room is spinning around as if it were some sky.

I look into the keyhole and see that I got no keys to whatever. The future seems to be a laughter of a girl passing by. No matter how many times you press "end", you'll stay on the same page. Reality may morph. Bend. Get hysterical. Multidimensional.

I'm sitting on the floor, my back against the red brick wall. The light bulbs work as stars today. The ceiling works as the ceiling. I work out to be the most useless man on Earth.

I turn out to be intentionally forgotten. I take painkillers, but they don't kill the pain. I don't like pain.

But.

"The way I live I just don't have any other choice" (c)

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воскресенье, 08 октября 2006
11:50

I couldn't care less.
And we never quite made it that way. Actually, what was I supposed to do with no support? Sitting on the steps of McDonald's. Drinking five days in a row. Six days in a row. Freeze it. Fuck it.

Don't forget your cell on the bar stand. Make the photos. Hold your body straight.

I'm a mechanical monster.

I stopped eating. Sleeping. The only thing I never quite stopped is talking. I just throw it out. Thoughts. I don't need them. Nobody does. Feel the groove. Rhythm. Beat.

Feel the bass tear apart your spine. Synapse short circuit. Energetic drinks. Scotch. Cola. Chivas.

Don't mind me, just post me home.

She was dancing her back to me. They were standing in a circle. Closed circle.

- Could you please help me. Introduce me to them. I want to fuck one of them.

- Ain't a problem.

They never need me any more. Now I'm an obstacle. Now.

- Here, take thus. Finish it and I'll mix you some more. Just sit in the corner. Away from us. Don't come closer. Now we understand each other without you. We don't need you. Stop being better.

Stop it.

Shitty music cannot be made better even with the best alcohol in this place.

Stop it. I need to wake up.

Soundcheck failed.

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суббота, 07 октября 2006
12:04

I couldn't care less.
What does it feel to be right in the point of no return. Nothing left to say. Freeze yourself, prolong the agony.

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четверг, 05 октября 2006
13:20

I couldn't care less.
- Addictions! You're just a bunch of addictions! A psycho!

- Yeah, baby, I know I am. It's the only real thing I got.


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